INJURY OF THE DAY

Nurse Long's Diagnosis:

Mystery Turnip

The Turnip is a protrusion on the pelvis that allows the hip to rotate, without which movement is restricted to around 36 degrees. The turnip is difficult to replace as no-one has ever seen what it looks like as observation of the turnip causes it to crumble. There are reports that full mobility of the pelvis can be regained by drinking tiny traces of sprouts in large volumes of water, but common medical opinion is that this is poppycock. Professional medical advice – angle your body to keep pelvic movement within 36 degrees.

INJURY OF THE DAY

Nurse Long's Diagnosis:

Spondulating Heart

More commonly caused by listening to too many power ballads. Causes excessive soppiness and crying in the presence of puppies. May lead to becoming a new man, avoid at all costs. Recommended course of action; kicking a wall while shouting while listening to Motorhead.

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